Precision gauge coupling unification is one of the primary quantitative successes of low energy or split supersymmetry. Preserving this success puts severe restrictions on possible matter and gauge sectors that might appear at collider-accessible energies. In this work we enumerate new gauge sectors which are compatible with unification, consisting of horizontal gauge groups acting on vector-like matter charged under the Standard Model. Interestingly, almost all of these theories are in the supersymmetric conformal window at high energies and confine quickly after the superpartners are decoupled. For a range of scalar masses compatible with both moderately tuned and minimally split supersymmetry, the confining dynamics happen at the multi-TeV scale, leading to a spectrum of multiple spin-0 and spin-1 resonances accessible to the LHC, with unusual quantum numbers and striking decay patterns.