PLEASE NOTE CHANGE IN TIME & LOCATION FOR TODAY'S MEETING 5:00 Room: Jadwin A07 We analyze confining gauge theories where the 750 GeV diphoton resonance is a composite heavy pion that undergoes anomalous decays into SM vectors. These scenarios naturally contain accidentally stable pions Dark Matter candidates. The diphoton resonance can acquire a larger width by decaying into Dark Matter through the CP-violating θ-term of the new gauge theory, reproducing the cosmological Dark Matter density as thermal relic.